Thursday, October 09, 2014

Really? Again?

To summarize my last eleven months:

1.  DNFd IMAZ 2013.

2.  Got a new hip.

3.  Withdrew from IMAZ 2014.

4.  Signing up for IMAZ 2015.

5.  Got a new coach.

6.  Got a new gym.

7.  Rejoined Weight Watchers.

8.  Gained some weight, lost some weight.

9.  Got really depressed after the hip surgery.

10.  Got undepressed, got off my ever-widening ass, dusted myself off, and am moving forward again.

More soon.

Kate

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

a big zero point eight!

Yes, friends, that's exactly how far I hobbled today.  Eight-tenths of a mile.  I am getting there, baby steps and baby steps.  And then a few more baby steps.

The thing of it is, I am no longer taking anything for granted.  I am just so daggone grateful to be able to run my heart rate up into the 140s again.  Even if I do it by taking a relatively brisk walk.  Yes I am apparently THAT out of condition.

Baby steps.

I have an 800 meter swim tonight.  They doubled it from the former 400 meter swims.  And YES I am nervous about it.  Go to CSU, and get knocked all over the place by the flaunty guys.  Go to Brooklyn rec center, and get knocked all over by the kids and old guys.  Pick your knock.  :)  Probably go to Brooklyn just because CSU is so daggone snooty about everything.  I don't know why I don't just quit there.  Maybe hope against hope that I'll one day feel comfortable there.  Doubt it though.

Anyway, life has been going pretty well lately.  Off the cane sometimes, still all hobbly, but not screaming in pain much anymore.

See ya.

Kate

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Alexander

When my kids were little, I used to read them this book about this guy named Alexander, who was having a no good messed up terrible, very bad day.

I'm having a day like that.

I guess I'm far enough along with my recuperation and rehab that I'm supposed to be walking without a cane, but I'm not.  That is to say, if I do, it's all cattywhompus.  I went to the pain management guy last week, and he asked me to walk, and I did, and he yells at me "WHO DID YOUR SURGERY!!!", which made me feel like a real piece of shit, like it's somehow my fault that I'm all crooked, and so he's going to fill my spine all full of steroids on Wednesday next, and this is somehow supposed to make me feel better.

I can't really help it if my back is in a big spasm.

It's been like that for over two weeks.  I'm doing everything I can to get it to loosen up.  You name it, I've done it.  It won't loosen up.

I am in pain.

I am very very very sensitive right now.

Actually, friends, I am falling the fuck apart.

I look at people running, and I marvel at how they can pound their bodies.  Oh how I wish I could do that.  But I can't even get to the goddamn bathroom in the morning without halfway peeing myself, it takes so long to get up and get to where I can walk.

Is this EVER GOING TO END?????

I want to be well again.  I don't want to be in pain.  I don't want to be so sensitive.

I want to be happy.  I want to run.

Goddamn it, I want to RUN so much I can taste it.

Oh well.  Happy anniversary.  Happy father's day.  Happy tear-fest, yet again, because I so fucking FRUSTRATED at not being able to Do ANY  FUCKING THING except lie down and whatever.

Sigh.

Guess I'll go eat worms.

~~ kate

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Days and Nights all Mixed Up.

It's 2 am.  I've been up since midnight.  Made some eggbeaters, turkey pepperoni, fat free mozzarella cheese, a light english muffin, some lite spread, and sugar free apricot jam, with a cup of coffee, sugar free caramel and fat free half and half.  Tried to crutch it into the bedroom, splattered the coffee all over everything and the meal ended up in my lap.  Sigh.  The life of a gimp.

Thank god for all night TV.  Some bad movie with Jason Bateman called Switch.  It's awful.

I may crutch back for a real unsplattered cup of Joe.  Might as well hit the caffeine.  Sleep tonight is a lost cause.

Had a great ride on the trike in the metroparks today.  I took the crank arm length adjuster thingy off of the Path (must have weighed 5 lbs), and put on some BMX studded pedals, which ended up making a longer stroke length than before, so I ended up really streeetttching the surgical leg, causing some significant back spasms this evening, which meant a muscle relaxer, falling asleep early ... and so it goes ... but I did have a great moderate workout on a beautiful day in Cleveland.

Going back to work on Monday.

And so it goes.

~~ kate

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Endlessly Starting Over.

This is the story of my life, an endless series of new beginnings.  It's May 29, 2014, a Thursday, three o'clock in the morning, and sleep isn't coming.  Some bad Richard Gere movie is on.  He's a manic depressive.

It doesn't seem like I've done much of anything this past month other than worry and fret about this and that.  I've gotten up every day for the past two weeks and made my way over to the Brooklyn rec center to walk in the pool, stretch like crazy, do my myrtl exercises, and sit in the hot tub when it's working.  It feels like there's a grapefruit way under my skin, a big neutral dead spot, with pain around it.

I missed my appointment with the pain management guy.  I'll need to see if I can get in tomorrow.  Need some kind of meds for a while longer, though I'd love to get off of them.

Can't even do the couch potato to 5k program.  Can't kick in the pool.  I'm afraid I'll pull something apart.

Rejoined Weight Watchers, committed to seeing it through this time.  If all else fails, at least I can live my life at a normal weight.  Tired of worrying about worrying about worrying about my weight and that whole cluster of issues.

Going back to work on Monday.  Bittersweet.  I am trying to find balance and peace in that process.

Take care, all.

~~ kate

Saturday, May 10, 2014

My New Hip.


The surgery was on April 30.  I knew what to expect.  I did not think that it would take me so long at home, after the surgery, to want to get up and move around.  I got home on Saturday, May 3, and I really didn't feel like getting up and doing any serious walking until this morning.  I mean, I'd crutch and/or use the walker into the kitchen a couple of times a day, and I'd go to the potty six times or so a day, and roll over in bed, and do my ankle/leg/thigh/butt stuff a couple of times a day, but today was the first time when I wanted to go in the car, down to the metroparks, and for a little walk in Mastic Park.  T followed me with the stroller.  The Fitbit Vivo doesn't work right with the crutches, it doesn't count footsteps.  I have no idea why.

I signed up for the couch to 5k fitness plan.  I won't be able to do the water stuff for a little while, but I'll be able to do the walking and recumbent biking, so it will work well enough for the next couple of weeks.

Still not eating carbs.  Still feeling pretty good about it.  Haven't gotten on the scale, but I will.  My latest "find" is pizza without the bread, just the cheese and topping.  So far so good.  Good, and good for you, too.

Happy to be on the mend.  Happy to have another couple of weeks off of work to recover.

Kate

Monday, March 24, 2014

ketosis.

In a grand act of freedom, I threw away the scale maybe a month and a half ago.  It's a liberating feeling, but for us neurotic people, it's a bit off-putting not to have a number to lean on or beat yourself up with, as the case may be.  I'm going on feel.  I've been doing a Peter Attia thing, low carb, high fat, moderate protein.  His website is eatingacademy.com.  I do daily blood testing for ketosis.  It's been revealing.  I must be extremely sensitive to the effects of carbs.  Even keeping them waaaaay low, my ketosis numbers are low.  Like 0.2 most days.  I feel fabulous.  The hip is still way off, but other than that, I'm getting in good time in the pool and on the bike, and I walk as I am able.

We'll see where this goes.  I'm happy to forego cheap carbs.  To me, they're toxic and addictive.  Besides, I like bacon.  :)

Today is a rest day.  I have a lot to catch up on at work.  Tonight I'll try to get everything organized for the grand trip to our place in Florida.  When I get back, the dog ladies are going to begin coming twice a day, noon and early evening, so I can get straight to workouts instead of coming home & feeding the dogs & letting them out first.  Soooo waiting for warm weather, and also looking forward to taking the new Terry Isis out on the road.

Take care, eat well,

Kate